I remember sharing with my usrah sisters in about my hopes for Ramadhan. I said that I hope to be able to fast the whole month like I had for 2 years, alhamdulillah.
…and this year, I did. Almost.
On the first day of Ramadhan, I felt dizzy and thought that maybe my body was in shock as it has been long since I last fasted for 1 whole day.
I wanted to take panadol to ease the headache but instincts made me chose a pregnancy test instead.
It was positive!
I was happy but I was also nervous as I know how weak I can be in my first trimester. True enough, this year, I struggled to keep my food in every morning while nursing my toddler who heavily depended on me for his milk intake the entire day.
I broke down several times. I felt so weak.
With Allah’s love and mercy, I gave in and listened to my body – I took the rukhsah of not fasting when I couldn’t hold my vomit in. In total, I have 5 days to make up. I thought that hey, I could do this during syawal but oh boy, I rather not put myself in turmoil and just wait until my body balances its hormones in trimester 2 onwards inshaAllah.
Today I received an email which goes:
I had to pinch myself because this means that the ever dreaded first trimester is finally over! *cries grateful tears*
Alhamdulillah.
I still feel nauseous at times but sooo many things that I took for granted has now came back. For example, I couldn’t bring myself to open the fridge, or be in an enclosed space (toilet! I had to do my business with the doors open ugh), cook anything, smell strong fragrant ( I used to like amazing ammar hair oil but I felt nauseous whenever I smell it! Thank Allah for the newly developed unscented option!). I couldn’t even drink plain water which resulted in super dry flaky skin 😦
Moving back to the topic of breastfeeding a toddler while pregnant and fasting, in all honesty, it was torturous. It pained me emotionally to see him yearn for breastmilk but it also physically inflicted me with pain as the area became tender and the growing full set of teeth didn’t help! Yikes!
Thankfully, he accepted Susujuna, the chocolate flavoured goat’s milk. His father played an integral part too in ensuring he does not remember his ibu too much. But at night, he still nurses to sleep because it is the hardest time of the day to talk sense to a toddler and yes, the parents are super exhausted by then.
Alhamdulillah, the frequency of him asking for my milk has decreased a lot! Really grateful for my kelab isteri solehah for the advices and motivation. Ultimately, it takes time, and the help of the father to put the baby/toddler to sleep is super important. Let the image or role of the mother slowly decrease. To anyone who is struggling to wean your toddler off, Jiayou!
So back to the topic, mashaAllah, as I reflected on fasting for a whole month, Allah answered my prayers in a way I never imagined. Being pregnant does make one being able to fast for the whole month doesn’t it? :’)
May Allah ease everyone’s journey towards Allah. Let’s keep each other in our prayers ❤
Diarinsyirah 