Thank you, next

I’m not stressed out but I can’t help it if my tears want to reveal itself. I think it’s a natural coping mechanism for humans…

I’m someone who is easily inspired and is readily agreeable (I don’t need too much convincing) if things do not cross basic boundaries or personal comfort zone. So I was all ears when elders talk about customs when one gets married.

Things I discovered:

• Majlis khatam Al-Quran has a specific way to go about it (makcik2 group kind), a certain tradition and someone insists on it being an all ladies majlis khatam Quran. But my dad wants to join so why can’t he, right? I’m also looking at the possibility of the future husband to join and khatam together. In my opinion and experience, it’s merely reading the last few surahs and then continue Al-Fatihah and first page of Al-Baqarah to indicate continuity of reading the Quran. Then there’s the doa after that. Easily down within 30 minutes. If it really is not feasible, khatam without majlis pun boleh.
• There’s a certain itinerary template for bride and groom. Nikah – bride side – groom side – bride side – end. Already we’re challenging the norm to do full day, groom side then bride side to avoid clash and to spend more time at our majlis.
• Hadang. Basically the bride’s side will stand in the way of the groom and will only budge if the groom gives some $$ (or in today’s context, do some dares/answer questions). All these in order to finally meet his bride. I don’t want this. Neither does future husband. So please please just respect our stand 😦 I hope none of my relatives will suddenly do this like how another relative’s majlis ended up with. In summary, we observed how those who accompanied the groom are not the younger generation only. They consist of elder ones who had to wait under the sun for the groom to do your dares etc. Kesian kan. Kte mudahkan, ok?
• First night at the girls place and tepak sirih. Okay I really didn’t know this is a custom. Apparently, the groom will be given tepak sirih the next day to indicate whether he liked the first night or not. *Cringe* So someone did commented about having a bilik pengantin at my place but it’s not practical because of certain things. Anyway here’s the excerpt of how Malays were subtle but not so subtle about the first night:

Source: https://umexpert.um.edu.my/file/publication/00005021_150728_62312.pdf

I love my race and all but if it does not make sense or contradicts practicality, I beg to differ and not adopt it. Biarlah jika kte dipanggil “tidak tahu adat” as mentioned in the article:

So many pending things~ and people’s opinions are great and all but please respect the couple’s wishes. Indeed, there is no doubt that opinions of the elders are useful. But some things need to follow context and adapt to the situation.

Hi, you can’t please everyone.