Pink spillover

Peace be upon you.

You know that feeling when you do something without reason? Without purpose and intention? Yes, the feeling is hollow and the outcome unworthy because you did something with no direction. Hence no expectations and this leads to no feelings.

Yet that fateful Saturday -the day where Mother accompanied me to Geylang lor 39 for education sake- I went and followed my heart. Going against what I planned, what I had carefully build myself into believing and visualise for 2 years. I had this sudden urge albeit the many Istikharah-s that I did, the plans, the questioning of seniors and friends. That day, my head was -SubhanaAllah- trying to convince my heart to continue to walk further up, to that wonderful architectural purple-rimmed building.

After the acceptance, I kept thinking, questioning, thinking and again, question the hikmah, the hidden reason behind my sudden change of heart.

After months of being in an all ladies institution, the biggest Hikmah (goodness) that I finally came to realise was right under my nose all along. I saw it with my eyes. Everyday. But unfortunately not with my heart (mata hati) .

It was by being in an all ladies institution that I find myself more focused, more fulfilling.
I do not deny that maturity (ahem) has a role, but by not having extra insignificant, unnecessary and useless (they all mean the same, just typing it out to practice my paraphrasing, Oh, A-levels) things in mind undoubtedly also plays a major role.

Some examples that I can cite is the ability, or rather the chance to lead the assembly (I’ve always wanted to do that!) , lead prayers and everyday a Muslimah Day. Just wonderful~

On the same note, something that happened recently really made me so thankful for the change of heart. I noticed that however discreet you try to avoid, you will never run away from having to work with the opposite gender when you’re in a co-ed school. I understand that Islam permits this interaction but only on the Maslahah of the Ummah. Which is only, when there is a NEED to. But when one forgets ( this is often the case for us, humans) , one slips and forgets how to behave. Leading to things like ‘love’ (such superficial things na’udzubillah) . RESULTING one in being misguided from the initial reason you are actually there! In an edcational institution! To study! To learn! To gain Eilm! To gain Allah’s pleasure…… 😥

Thus, I am thankful for being here right now. Allah knows what’s best for us. I pray, everyday that Allah will help us in caging and guarding our hearts from such superficial things. From things that does not last. From things that bring you far from Allah.

…Sometimes, the urge we feel are small nudges from Allah. This journey is still on going. I am still on the route of discovery.

Back to the whole point of this writing, one should never forget to place their reasons right. Because the reason one has, is an anchor to being and staying focused. To finally feel the victory and in the end, not void of feelings.

With that, I end.